I’m so excited to be teaching at TESFest this year! I’ve always heard such great things about this event and I was really pleased when they accepted my application to teach! Tell your friends 🙂

Here’s what’s on the agenda for me:

To Newbie, With Love

Stepping out into the real life BDSM community can be scary and intimidating. A lot of new folks are nervous about what might be expected of them, of what they can expect. We’ve all been newbies at some point so everyone knows that feeling! When we’re new to a community—any community, really—we sometimes come in with assumptions of others or fears about how we’ll be received. Unlike most BDSM 101 type classes, this isn’t about how to explore kink. This is specifically about stepping out into the kink community and surviving!

In this session, we’ll talk about some of the realities of the real life community versus stereotypes or perceived expectations and what the possibilities are in getting more involved. We’ll discuss how to keep safe, how to figure out who’s trustworthy and who’s not. If you’re new to the community or just considering stepping out, you’ll likely find this dialog helpful. Those who are not new to the community are very welcome to come, listen, learn, and add to the discussion!

D/s 101

So now you’ve done it! You’ve gone and created a d/s dynamic with someone. Now what do you do? For the s-type, that might seem easy. You obey. But what if you don’t like what you’re being told to do? What if you think there’s a better way of doing something than what your d-type wants you to do? Aren’t s-types supposed to follow blindly?

And for d-types, do you really have to pick out the clothes your s-type wears every day? What happens if you’ve had a rough day and you just want a hug? Is it okay to show a softer side? Do you always have to be strict all the time? And what about all the rituals and protocols? How do you do that?

If you’re just starting out, once the initial excitement of beginning a d/s dynamic wears off, d/s can seem really daunting. In this class, we’ll talk about how to figure out what sort of d/s dynamic fits well for all parties involved. We’ll discuss creating meaningful rituals and protocols that will be more than just rules. And we’ll talk about how to keep d/s going when the vanilla world encroaches, as it inevitably will. Come prepared to learn and to share your own ideas and thoughts on d/s!

Service Dates

A lot of folks are under the misconception that one must be in a committed relationship to provide service. That’s no more true than the idea that one needs to be in a committed relationship in order to be flogged. A service date is just like a regular play date, except instead of S&M or rope or whatever, the date is about service. This strikes a lot of people as an epiphany, that we can do this. But we can. And it can be very good for us, particularly for single or long distance s-types, as well as d-types.

In this class, you’ll learn about how to arrange and negotiate service dates, different ways to serve, and how to disconnect after the service date is over. There will also be a demo on how to do a service date in a public restaurant.

When It’s Time

Ending relationships is rarely easy, but for s-types it can be more challenging than usual. We tend to internalize loyalty and devotion to such a degree that stepping back and looking at the relationship objectively can be incredibly difficult. But sometimes, it needs to be done. Sometimes a d/s or m/s relationship has become unhealthy and there’s nothing we can do to make it better. Sometimes, we have to leave. But how do we get there? What if we’re making the wrong decision? How can we know this is the right thing to do?

This session isn’t a means to advocate leaving a relationship. The goal is to provide tools which can be used to help determine whether staying in the relationship is more unhealthy than ending it. In this class, we’ll talk about the difference between needs and wants and how to tell them apart. We’ll talk about effective communication. We’ll discuss how to make the hard decisions: when conditions are better to stay and when it’s really time to just let it go.