Learn With Me!

Are you interested in having me speak or teach at your group or event? Check out my classes below and then head on over to the Contact page to drop me a line. Tell me about your event — when, where, what type of event it is — and what class(es) you’re interested in. I’m also happy to speak on many topics within the kink and polyamory worlds. If you have something specific you’re looking for, please let me know!

Accepting Service with Grace

In our Western culture that both expects and prizes self-sufficiency, the idea of someone else doing something for us can make us cringe. It carries connotations of, at best, taking advantage of the other person and, at worst, weakness. But accepting help — accepting service — is much more complex than these connotations would have you believe.

Within our kink culture, particularly in terms of d/s, service is a cornerstone for many relationship models. (Also, it’s pretty fucking hot!) But it is often a struggle for d-types (and s-types who are in a situation where they are being served) to accept service without feeling (or being) awkward and self-conscious.

Join us as we discuss why accepting service can be uncomfortable, why it can be very important within a relationship — both d/s and egalitarian, and, perhaps most important, how to accept service with grace.

Length of presentation: 60 minutes

Art of the Scene

The kink community has grown exponentially over the last decade. New folks, both older and younger, have discovered a path of exploration they did not know about prior. An unanticipated result of that growth, of all those extra people, is that there are more people coming in than can really be taught effectively. Now, don’t get all bent out of shape. I’m not talking about “one true way” stuff here. I’m talking about something different… something that a lot of the new folks didn’t get the opportunity to learn in between flogger classes and rope classes and cupping classes.

So much of the satisfying stuff we do is really about the connections we make with people and those connections can be forged in conversation, in d/s interactions, and in s/m scenes. But they’re not obvious. You can’t *see* them in the way you can see a caning style, or the way you can see the path of a blade.

In this class, we’ll talk about the art of a scene — not just how to hit someone. Our goal is in fostering the connection between top and bottom so as to make a scene and not just a play session. We’ll talk about different ways to forge this connection and keep it. Bring your questions, ideas, suggestions and stories as this is meant to be a place to share, rather than a lecture.

Length of presentation: 60 minutes

Note: When a group requests this class, I also offer to teach an add-on Ichinawa class, as it illustrates all the concepts taught in this class (and introduces people to some very simple-to-do yet super-hot rope). This extra class adds an additional 60 minutes and requires enough floor space for people to comfortably do rope.

Building a Service Network

Being in service means providing for what your recipient needs, whether that is within a relationship or within a scene. Often, probably mostly, we can do these things on our own. We can serve a drink or food, do bath service, sexual service, foot service, cigar service, bootblacking, and any number of other services for our recipients. And it’s easy to get into the mindset that we have to be able to do everything on our own in order to provide good service. This is a fallacy.

Sometimes what we need to do takes more than we have the ability to give or do. Perhaps it’s a formal dinner which requires a lot of work in many ways; perhaps your recipient is away and you can’t be there to black the boots; perhaps your recipient requires something you don’t yet know how to do.

If our goal is seamless service, then an effective way to handle situations like this is to create a service network. This is a group of other service-types who can be called upon to assist in serving our recipients. Sometimes these are overt services, such as someone stopping by the recipient’s hotel room to black those boots, or they can be covert services, such as doing the shopping for the formal dinner while you are creating the appropriate atmosphere in the space.

How do we create networks like this? That’s what this class is all about! We’ll discuss the different types of service networks, how they are useful, how to create them and set boundaries within them, and how to use them to affect seamless service for our recipients.

Length of presentation: 60-90 minutes

D/s 101

So now you’ve done it! You’ve gone and created a d/s dynamic with someone. Now what do you do? For the s-type, that might seem easy. You obey. But what if you don’t like what you’re being told to do? What if you think there’s a better way of doing something than what your d-type wants you to do? Aren’t s-types supposed to follow blindly?

And for d-types, do you really have to pick out the clothes your s-type wears every day? What happens if you’ve had a rough day and you just want a hug? Is it okay to show a softer side? Do you always have to be strict all the time? And what about all the rituals and protocols? How do you do that?

If you’re just starting out, once the initial excitement of beginning a d/s dynamic wears off, d/s can seem really daunting. In this class, we’ll talk about how to figure out what sort of d/s dynamic fits well for all parties involved. We’ll discuss creating meaningful rituals and protocols that will be more than just rules. And we’ll talk about how to keep d/s going when the vanilla world encroaches, as it inevitably will. Come prepared to learn and to share your own ideas and thoughts on d/s!

Length of presentation: 60 minutes

Navigating the Waters: M/s in a Long Distance Relationship

Can a long distance M/s or D/s relationship endure? What are the challenges and what are the rewards? This class is geared toward those serving from afar, but welcomes anyone interested in the topic. We’ll discuss ways to remain in the submissive or slave mindset, how to communicate needs and how to be of service when not physically in the presence of your m- or d-type. We’ll also talk about the mental transition from being mostly autonomous when apart to being in his/her presence for face to face visits.

Length of presentation: 60 minutes

Service Dates

A lot of folks are under the misconception that one must be in a committed relationship to provide service. That’s no more true than the idea that one needs to be in a committed relationship in order to be flogged. A service date is just like a regular play date, except instead of S&M or rope or whatever, the date is about service. This strikes a lot of people as an epiphany, that we can do this. But we can. And it can be very good for us, particularly for single or long distance s-types, as well as d-types.

In this class, you’ll learn about how to arrange and negotiate service dates, different ways to serve, and how to disconnect after the service date is over. There will also be a demo on how to do a service date in a public restaurant.

Length of presentation: 60 – 90 minutes

Note: This class requires me to bring a demo top and so is subject to availability.

The Year of Living Uncomfortably (YoLU)

Living is easy. Living uncomfortably is hard. Fear and discomfort often cause us to make the easy choices in life, but it is when we face difficulty and when we overcome fear that we grow. I made a conscious decision at the beginning of 2010 to live uncomfortably. While it’s been difficult sometimes, I’ve found myself growing and becoming more comfortable in my own skin in ways I wouldn’t have thought possible.

This gathering is going to be more of a round-table discussion focusing on how we face our fears, process our discomfort, and step outside our boxes in order to live uncomfortably. If you’re embarking on a new chapter of your life or simply want to force growth within yourself then this round table is where you want to be. Come out, listen, share, and live uncomfortably with us!

Length of presentation: 60 minutes minimum; 90 minutes preferred

To Newbie, with Love

Stepping out into the real life BDSM community can be scary and intimidating. A lot of new folks are nervous about what might be expected of them, of what they can expect. We’ve all been newbies at some point so everyone knows that feeling! When we’re new to a community—any community, really—we sometimes come in with assumptions of others or fears about how we’ll be received. Unlike most BDSM 101 type classes, this isn’t about how to explore kink. This is specifically about stepping out into the kink community and surviving!

In this session, we’ll talk about some of the realities of the real life community versus stereotypes or perceived expectations and what the possibilities are in getting more involved. We’ll discuss how to keep safe, how to figure out who’s trustworthy and who’s not. If you’re new to the community or just considering stepping out, you’ll likely find this dialog helpful. Those who are not new to the community are very welcome to come, listen, learn, and add to the discussion!

Length of presentation: 60-90 minutes

When It’s Time

Ending relationships is rarely easy, but for s-types it can be more challenging than usual. We tend to internalize loyalty and devotion to such a degree that stepping back and looking at the relationship objectively can be incredibly difficult. But sometimes, it needs to be done. Sometimes a d/s or m/s relationship has become unhealthy and there’s nothing we can do to make it better. Sometimes, we have to leave. But how do we get there? What if we’re making the wrong decision? How can we know this is the right thing to do?

This session isn’t a means to advocate leaving a relationship. The goal is to provide tools which can be used to help determine whether staying in the relationship is more unhealthy than ending it. In this class, we’ll talk about the difference between needs and wants and how to tell them apart. We’ll talk about effective communication. We’ll discuss how to make the hard decisions: when conditions are better to stay and when it’s really time to just let it go.

Length of presentation: 60 minutes

In addition to these classes, I also teach a number of classes on writing. Please contact me if interested in those, as well.

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Sanctum Shorts, set in the BDSM community around the Sanctum dungeon, are short stories, under 20k words, that feature different people within the Sanctum community.They're quick, fun, sexy reads to keep you going in between the Sanctum Series novels!

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